Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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