No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
