I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
