But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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