I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
