I'm jealous of your bromance
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
