OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I will be naked everywhere
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
