dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
