he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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