I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
