So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
