your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
why do cheetos always look like penises
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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