If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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