I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
