Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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