i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I didn't notice because vodka
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
