Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
