I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
