I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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