"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
