So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
