Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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