Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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