im drinking this country out of the recession.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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