bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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