We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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