At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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