You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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