Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
