I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
