I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
