I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
