I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
