it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
