Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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