Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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