Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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