Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
