He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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