Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
