Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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