But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
