The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Randomize
