he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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