I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
