My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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