I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
