this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
