What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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