i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
