Do vagina's smell?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
