i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
