I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
