Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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