I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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