it was like his penis was on wheels.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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