Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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