I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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