it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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