My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
