Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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