What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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