There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
