i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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