You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
