I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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