Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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