Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
