Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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