he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
