So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
