You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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