I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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