Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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