I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
someone owes me an orgasm
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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