I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
