is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
